kryptonite

Tåg mellan Nacka och Slussen

En uteliggare sitter på tåget och luktar så illa så folk flyttar sig för att slippa stanken. Så fort uteliggaren gått av kliver en pappa och hans son på och sätter sig på exakt samma plats.

Pojken: Det luktar som skolans fiskpinnar här!

Pappan: Ja det har du rätt i, nu blev jag hungrig!

Kebabställe, Stockholm

Två killar ~ 18 kommer in för att beställa.
Kille 1: Vi skulle vilja ha två kebab.
Mannen bakom disken: Vad ska ni ha för sås, stark eller vanlig?
Kille 2: Vi tar stark.
Mannen (utan att se efter): Den är slut!
Kille 1: Varför frågar du om du vet att den är slut?
Mannen (fundersamt): Jag vet inte...

Buss 710 mot Skärholmen

En grupp dagisbarn kommer på bussen. En pojke ~5 börjar gråta för att han inte får sitta vid fönstret så han kan se fåglarna.
Fröken ~30: Du kan ju se fåglarna när vi har gått av!
Pojken (snyftandes): De har säkert flugit bort då.
Flicka ~5 (tröstande): Det kanske ligger någon död på marken då!

Busshållplats, Timrå centrum

En mormor och hennes barnbarn, en pojke ~7, står och väntar på bussen. När bussen kör in ser man att pojken ser lite orolig ut och precis innan de ska kliva på bussen kollar pojken på mormorn som står bakom.
Pojken: Mormor, hur gammal sa du att jag skulle säga att jag var så jag slapp betala?
Busschauffören (skrattandes): Ingen fara, ni kan BÅDA kliva på gratis!
Mormorn blir helt knallröd i ansiktet, tar sitt barnbarn i handen och tackar chauffören.

Happy in Hereford

Volunteers thrive in a different culture

Volunteers make a valuable contribution to our organisation, day in, day out. Our chair and trustees are volunteers, thousands of people give their time to our retail department and many of our services benefit from the experience and dedication of volunteers bring.

Here we look the experiences two volunteers - Sara Swahn and Sonia Delama - who share their experiences of moving to Hereford and our First Key Hereford service.

The European connection

Both Sara and Sonia were placed at our service by the charity European EIL (Experiment in International Living). They have been placing a steady stream of volunteers at the service for the past decade, with the aim of bringing people from different cultures together to increase understanding and cultural awareness.

When asked about EIL, their European Voluntary Service Manager Neil Humpage said, "We are a co-ordinating office for the European Voluntary Service (EVS), a European Union initiative.

"We source and find volunteers and then fill out the forms for their application grants. If that is successful the volunteer is usually placed with an organisation for nine months.

"That means they get a good understanding of English and the organisation they are with. In the case of First Key Hereford the service users benefit from meeting people from different cultures."

Sara's story

At home in Sweden, I had just graduated from college and didn't really know what I wanted to do. I did relief work at a nursing home for older people with dementia a few times a month. I was also vice president in a youth forum that sent youngsters off on EVS all over Europe.

I first went myself to Malvern, England on a short project that lasted 3 weeks. I had a great time and got to know Neil who works for EIL. The day after I got back from that project he rang me and wanted me to volunteer in Hereford for First Key. It sounded great and I signed up for it. Was also looking forward to it as it meant I could get away from my very small hometown, where nothing ever happens!

At first I was a bit scared and homesick. but everybody looked after me so well,  from the staff and the service manager to the service users. I made a lot of friends and always look forward coming into work everyday.

It felt really rewarding as well, especially when I went out on trips or doing day-to-day activities with the service users. I could see how happy they were.

We also enabled them to take part in workshops and activities like gardening, cookery, swimming, woodwork and we even went to football games.

Learning
I also learnt a lot about England as a country and had to adapt to the culture. Things like wearing shoes inside; saying "see you later" when you really aren't going to see that person later and saying "please" and thank you" constantly. I have also had to get used to the weather and food.

Contract

When my six-month contract finished, which happened far too quickly, I was devastated. I returned back home to Sweden and didn't know what I was going to do. There are no jobs for young people and most of my friends have been unemployed for several years, even though they were actively applying for work.

Comeback 

When I heard that First Key where short of volunteers, I quickly offered to come back and the good news was that they wanted me back. I quickly settled in again and this time there wasn't a restriction on when my volunteering was going to end. The weeks and months went by and I was very happy here. I also met an English guy and fell in love.

When a support worker post became available, I applied. I worked hard on my application. It was a bit tricky for me as it was all in English, but I got there in the end. The interview I found a bit scary, as it was the first one I had ever been to. A service user interviewed me along with the service manager and a team leader. I got the job!

I settled into my new role very quickly and embraced all the new responsibility and duties. I now also mentor other volunteers. I am still very happy in First Key and Hereford and I live together in a nice flat with my boyfriend. I have no plans to returning to Sweden for some time!

I've gained a lot of self-confidence and I have grown up a lot. It did take some strength and courage to travel to another country and volunteer. It was the first time I lived alone.

Sonia's experience 

Before I joined the project I felt very scared, because my English was not very good and it was a very important choice in my life. I was leaving everything I had in my country - family, friends and job - to volunteer in Hereford. I only knew that it was a small city in England, close to the Welsh border.

I was looking for a project for quite a long time. I was not looking just for going somewhere to spend six months of my life. As I am an occupational therapist, I wanted a project I could contribute to.  One where I could feel useful and helpful, and where I could learn as well. 

Difficult days

My first days and weeks were difficult. The language was a major barrier, particularly when it came to working with people who have speech impairments, But, I tried and I got used to working with the service users quite quickly. It was also difficult to get used to a new life in a completely different country...new city, new people and a new culture.

My role as a volunteer is to enable the service users and assist them in their daily life. Since the beginning I have participated in workshops like gardening, cookery, music and sports. I have also been involved with some different activities like going out for lunch, a coffee in town, travelling, arts and crafts and baking cakes.

Beautiful cities

It has been a brilliant experience, both personal and professional. By volunteering I contributed to the local community and it has enriched my life. I learnt a new language and became more confident in myself. I have enjoyed the experience and I have discovered an amazing country with beautiful cities and landscapes. Now time is running out for me, my volunteer experience is approaching to the end. I feel happy because I will take with me the unforgettable time that I have had.

I have already started to think about what I am going to do next. I would like to keep studying in Spain, and increase my understanding of cerebral palsy.

Valued and respected

I have realised how important equality is for disabled people, and how far we are in Spain from it. I would like to work towards everyone having an independent and equal life within their community, in a society where disabled people are valued and respected.

Var bara tvungen att kopiera in den har.
Men den ar anda sa sann.. Tanker samma sak nar ja ser pa det!
Haha!


Pizzeria Milan, Tibro

Fyra killar ~18 sitter och diskuterar olika tv-program. Efter en stund kommer samtalet in på Miami Ink.
Kille 1: De som tatuerar sig i Miami Ink är ju fan helt sjuka.
Kille 2: Ja vafan allt ska ju symbolisera något! Kan de inte bara göra en tatuering för att den är snygg eller?
Kille 3: Ja typ "Min brorsas tjejs mosters kusins killes kompis körde i diket med sin Volvo 240 och nu vill jag ha en tatuering som symboliserar det".
Kille 4: Ja eller hur, och så tatuerar de in något som inte har ett skit med det att göra... typ en jävla pingvin eller något.

Gymnasieskola, Malmö

Det är naturkunskapslektion och läraren pratar om jordens undergång.
Tjej ~17: Men det är ju hemskt att alla människor kommer att dö...
Läraren: Men du kommer ju ändå ha dött för länge sen.
Tjejen: Ja, jag ja. Men tänk så hemskt det blir för min farmors farmors farmor...

Spårvagn 1, Göteborg

En mamma och hennes dotter ~3 går på spårvagnen.
Dottern (pekar på en man ~25): Titta mamma, han har också en svart mössa!
Mamman: Det är faktiskt fult att peka, tänk om du gör honom ledsen.
Dottern: Jag pekade inte, jag bara sa... mamma varför måste du alltid genera mig?

 1. Det är viktigt att hitta en man som hjälper till i hushållet,  som lagar mat, städar och som har ett bra jobb.

 2. Det är viktigt hitta en man som kan få dig att skratta.

 3. Det är viktigt att hitta en man du kan lita på och som inte  ljuger.

 4. Det är viktigt att hitta en man som är bra i sängen och som  älskar att ha sex med dig.

 5. Det är viktigt att dessa fyra män inte känner varandra.